till a few months ago, i was this girl refusing to grow up. everyone else had to take responsibility for my abundance of or lack of things, my sadness and happiness, my shortcomings all the while i preened under the spotlight at the little successes.
then, life threw me bitter gourds. literally. and, i was taking care of more than i ever had. talking and hustling, smiling and managing, meeting deadlines and keeping my sanity. things i have seen grandmothers and mothers doing!
my fate, or, is it the universe, or the much cliched 'life,' is taking me in another direction. one i did not ever want to take. so, i am going to say it very fast. *deep breath* to be creative and content within the confines of my home. there. i said it.
its funny how the graph of my life is going backward in my head. not downward, not really. but, backward. i feel i am returning to my roots. no, deeper. into the depths of my being. a way to start again. but, this time with the right attitude and a graceful frame of mind.
no. things have not completely changed. but, i am realizing that if i want to, i can channelise my thoughts and plans, despite limited resources into serious action. and, all i can think is what have i been doing my entire life!
my priorities are open before my eyes. no. am not letting go of my dreams, just tweaked them so they are not always out of reach. because, that is not the way i want to live, hankering over things lost. and, it would be a total waste of me.
like the quote, 'it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. - E E Cummings
PS
had been missing. as you can see above, it was a realization of 'route re-calculation,' as that lady with the nice accent in our GPS says.
