too much too soon

Here I am, rejuvenated enough to see the little ones settling back in school, almost, effortlessly and hopeful of reading all the books I wanted to read, click though beautiful blogs at leisure, settling on my window seat and penning down my thoughts while I listen to the rain…
… when I am rudely awakened by a shrill squawk! There stand my husband and daughter with an African Grey parrot.



This is Kukku, the daughter shrieks and my open mouth and look of utter dismay (to say the least) prompts a sheepish grin from the husband. Kukku has the emotional intelligence of a two year old, he says… and, I am thanking the good Lord that Abi has finally turned three, I humph… the intelligence of a five year old… as if the smartass retorts of our daughter were not enough, I sigh… and a vocabulary of 2000 in another year… as if I don’t talk enough, I whined!



The birdie adapts to us before we do to her. We are more curious and wary that we might hurt her, but she is quite resilient, enjoys and demands attention and quite fun… till the day, the husband decided that kukku needs a friend and stood at the door with a three month old German Shepherd and 12kg of puppy food!



It was nothing but another rude surprise (because I don’t like the word shock) until the pup dodged the kids and friends of the kids, took one sniff of my chipped nail paint and flopped down at my feet there and then. Something between love and joy (or was it both?) surged in my heart, but it was too much too soon and I gave my husband “the look.”



The first two weeks, blackie, named ingenuously by the daughter, followed me everywhere – from chair to bed to sofa and back. But, now it is at home with the four of us, together or separate. Things are so much better since it has been toilet-trained. And, now that it is teething, I actually have the floor clear of clutter, which consisted of things quite needed in our daily life.



This is us now. Suhana actually has blackie in the family picture she drew of us spending the day at the seaside. I asked her why she forgot kukku, miss smarty replied, it was because kukku would fly away in the open sky. No contradicting that!


PS
Somewhere in between blackie came and I post this, I was overwhelmed, tired and cranky. That was when I decided, reluctantly, to end this blog, because I was hardly coming on-line, feeling uncreative and did not see any time for me in the next two years to do all that I had wanted to.
It was precisely, on Little E’s three-month birthday Shalini, and soon as I had posted on flickr, I was going to say my good byes to you (for you believed in me enough) and Shilpa (how I love her name and the little notes we share from time to time) and Sindhu (who must still be finding me as confused as I was when I sat next to her in journalism school and who, out of all of you, has actually seen me in person and all that I know of computers and laughter, she taught me ☺) and Asha (who is solace and inspiration and always gets my jokes) and Arundhati and Arya and Indrani and Susan, your comments do me proud.
Short story shorter, the Net connection was lost and I was unable to blog that day. The transmission problems still continue as does my blog.



But, thank you so much, each one of you!!

TGIF

My son and I slowly walk back from the front gate after seeing the yellow school bus take the turn far away. I usually am making lists in my head during this time. Today, I feel tired.

As we do everyday, he drinks another glass of milk (he wakes earlier than his sister) and me another cup of tea. I do linger a bit too long after this cup is empty. I almost feel guilty to be so tired, after all the facilities at hand.

Yet my neck hurts, my dining table is cluttered and I don't want to look at the toys and 'things' strewn about for fear I'll cry. How? Why?, I whisper.

Two things come to me, almost flash before my eyes - too much multi-tasking and trying to smile all the time. I am always doing two things, at least, all the time. Watching TV and ironing/feeding the kids/ sorting clothes, cutting vegetables or talking on the phone and typing away at the computer and whatever else I'm doing, I'll constantly be answering to all the " whys?" of a four year old.

I can still deal with all of this, if not for having to sound nice all the time and forcing a smile at people who feel I have so much time in the world because my husband is away for days together at work, I think. Then why do I, ugh!

I like the way my life is right now, it almost hurts to think of cutting off from any one thing. I will have to find a way.