spur.

there is a change in the air. 

a nip in the mornings and fog clouding the tall trees. 

the leaves are falling. 

the birdcalls in the early morning sound different.

even in the little tropical haven in Kerala, i now live in, there is an unmistakable change in the air. 

enough to shake me out of hibernation.

its has been a long monsoons this time. 

one that drenched Onam, Kerala's harvest festival,

which is meant to be bright and sun-shiny

 and cheered with flowers.

the rains have continued with almost no break

into the thunderstorms characteristic of the Malayali month of thulaam.

my camera sank in the depths of the damp, 

as did one of my most prized lenses.

they are both resting in the sick shelf of my room,

along with my Macbook - my window to the world.

but, the bursts of sunshine 

has inspired us enough to put our sparkle on. 

and, shimmer in the sunlight.

literally.

the rains continue,

sometimes not stopping for hours.

despite the cloudy gloom

and the sodden grounds,

the feeling that better things are yet to come 

manages to reign strong.

Christmas is not far away.

things will look up.

ps

i do love leaves!

mangoes, memories... and more.

it really is not possible to cut into a mango without being usurped by memories. a carton of them, hand-picked from the hundreds plucked, had been put in the kitchen by my brother, early in the afternoon. as i bustled in to make tea for the family, that sweet smell of more than a fifty mangoes, some ripening - others just right - hit me strongly. i was reduced to the ten-year-old trying to pluck low lying mangoes  on my grandfather's farm.

    less than ten years later, i found myself sitting at the mica-topped dining table in our ancestral house drinking tea with grandpa, whom everyone calls pappa, and my dad's eldest brother. as with most houses in Kerala surrounded by tall trees, the afternoon is ringing with birdsongs and squirrels chirping as the walls come alive with flitting light through the leaves.
                                            


the first big exams of my first semester in law college had got over before the holidays. i was sure i would flunk at least three subjects. i was scared to go back, wondering if opting for legal studies had been the right option. and, teenager that i was, i kept ranting to my uncle, whose most favourite niece i am, by the way. he listened patiently, not making the mistake of uttering a word lest i have a meltdown.

that is when my grandpa said softly, in his strong professor voice, "courage does not mean you stop. courage means you go on, despite whatever makes you afraid!" he went back to sipping his tea, made just the way he likes it. the birds kept calling, the sunlight kept dancing on the walls.

but, in those two seconds, i knew my life had changed forever.

it does not mean that i haven't cowered or made for the nearest escape route when i could. but, whenever i have been cornered, when the only way out has been the hardest way, these words have lent me dignity to find value in my life in the lowest of times and held me in good stead in times of joy.



ps
this post has been sitting on my mind and my drafts folder since summer. but, this is when i could will myself to post it.

'the reluctant homemaker' has shifted base to Kerala, a rather lush and wet state in southernmost India. i felt the need for a new name. 'the kitchen window' was the name of my blog when i freelanced for the Times Of India web portal, iDiva. since Kerala is the home of my ancestors, where my roots are, i thought, why not etch my first blog's name into history as well.

spur of the moment.

impulsive acts.

the shocking start 

that makes you jump out of your skin,

is best to cure hiccups.

or, this morning,

it helped me put behind 

the absent domestic help, 

the very lived in living room.

an impromptu DIY ~

two used mint packs.

sparkly scotch tape.

and, you have a little box 

to stow your change,

or, carry a change of earrings

for weekend trip.

it is sunny and cool at the same time here.

light and shadow together.

sorrow, never far from joy,

laughter with tears.

night and day.

but, it is innate in the universe,

it is the rule of life.

for every yes,  your stand you take,

you leave in darkness other options.

the shadows swallow the NOs.

its christmassy.

its hectic.

slowly starting to gather,

organize the stuff 

i have been picking up

from places, for months,

to put under the tree...

...where we will all gather,

on Christmas morning.

married for almost nine years now, 

i kind of know

exactly how each one of us will look 

that morning.

acceptance. kindness. tolerance.

bound by love.

and, you have a family :)

ps

yesterday.

Christmas

waves a magic wand over this world,

and behold, 

everything is softer

and more beautiful.

- Norman Vincent Peale

    

Saturday mornings come with misgivings. more so, when you have left too many things left undone over the week. so, you try and escape more from the grind of routine. any thing that does not make you want to see things the way they are.

stray. thoughts.

    morning light is the cosiest. 

warms the deep insides of my being. 

assures.

re assures.

so much so that with a warm cup 

of steaming goodness in my hands,

i don't feel like getting up

or, moving.

savoring the moment is so good

every chore of mine remains undone!

and, the countdown has begun.

it is time. 

am ditching the tree this time. 

something else. 

too many ideas.

little time, and, littler skills to execute.

but, hello excitement!

cannot. stop. obsessing. about. mornings.