Saturday, January 15, 2011

in the middle

of the first month of the new year and decade, I am frozen in my tracks at the thought that in 2020 my six year old would be in Grade 10! I feel like I can't breathe. I find myself a perch to sit and a place for the clothes in my hand, before I sigh deeply. You know my dramatic ways!
As I sit down to bang on the key board, and let out some of the anxiety, I struggle to remember year 2000. Memories of the 50th Independence Day flood in. But, that was August 1997, and I had participated in the long rally to the city stadium alongwith students of all other colleges with the fervour of an Indian and the excitement of a first year Law student.
The next time I thought of particapating in a rally was the final year, for, then, I knew there might not be another one ever. But, 2000 - 01 was a regular year with no landmark achievement or event, at least nothing I can remember 10 years afterwards.

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All my palpitating heart knows now is that the years whizzed by and I went from plump fresher to skinny graduate to plump mother with a lot of grey in whatever is left of the hair! It feels liberating that I am not bothered about the hair for now.
But, I am acutely aware of how fast time flies, life moves and we forget. There is no disappointment that I carry of the last ten years because there was graduation, journalism, marriage, and best of all, the children.
Actually, so much happened in my little individual world this last decade that it could very well be the 'golden era' of Shilpa. And, I think there will never ever be me in an individual world again. Ever.

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Nevertheless, we get busy in life with life as it comes and forget to cherish time. There is always something to be done, something demanding or screaming at us for attention and so many somethings we wished we had done or wish we would do.
We don't know how many days we have left in our life, but it looks like a long future way ahead and lots of days to do all that we want. And, I, the queen of procrastination, will keep putting off tasks till one day I will have no hair left and I'll be old and frail, in spirit and body and I'll die lamenting on all that I wanted to do.
But, how wonderful it would be to look back on my life in those frail days and know that I had fulfilled my responsibilities to the best of my ability and acumen and also, that I had kept me charged and joyful with my creative pursuits. Not an easy wish, not in the busyness of life.

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I can't imagine the tempo everyday would take if we started the day with something we loved. To each his own. I am hoping it would be writing for me. Writing is catharsis, closure, problem solver to me. More than that, I had been advised by my journalism Guru to write 100 words a day. I had the gall to tell him that I was not able to write anything, whilst in college!
The most important task I have resolved to accomplish this year, and hopefully, never let go of the habit, is to revel in and respect my time. To wake up earlier to embrace the day. To be mindful of the task I am at, be it the most mundane and the most repetetive of it. Tall order, but, you know how it is. You have to aim for the stars to reach the tree top or something.
Apart from being kind in thought, word and deed, and be quiet and contained to the limits of my ability and pray to be wiser and calmer, I had also in mind to start exercising. It could be anything from treadmill to yoga.

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The foggy winter mornings make me wake up late. Treadmill walking is so boring and very tiring because you have to keep up. Exactly the point when exercising, the husband would nod. But, not for me. Also, the kids would wake up by the whirring.
The Universe then conspired with this friend from the school bus stop, who needed company for morning walks. We set off after waving the kids bye and actually, meander for a kilometre and a half.
I have now taken to carrying the camera every third day on my morning walks. I can't believe I am a morning walk person. The cold air is invigorating and I carry with me a sense of accomplishment and a smile the whole day. The pictures above and below were taken last week on these walks.

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a little morning walk for mankind, a giant leap for Shilpa :)

4 comments:

Shalini said...

Yay to the power of morning walks!

Such perfect photos for such a philosophical post. I especially loved the shots of moss.

I agree, that when one looks forard to the next 10 years as compared to the past 10 years, it feels a bit daunting. I've stopped thinking how old I'll be when E finishes school etc. And stopped noticed the emerging grey strands as well.

shilpa said...

I have to add, Shalini, that the only reason I agreed to these walks on weekdays was for the photo opportunity :)
was inspired and wanted to have a morning walk set or morning walk treasures set ;D
the shots you liked are from Harish's house in Kerala and clicked in the last days of 2010.

Shalini said...

lol, being able to take photos was a huge reason why I ventured out early in the mornings too!

I had planned that I would put E in her little carrier and start all over again, but it's just too hectic in the mornings and I Need to have my cup of tea and newspaper session, even though it sometimes is just 10 minutes.

shilpa said...

oh you'll see that she'll make you go for late afternoon walks in a little while and the setting sun will be a lovely back drop to your shots :)