'tis the season to be jolly

i was in the first year of my pre-degree course when my mother's mother, ammachi, had her first cardiac arrest. all phone calls were dotted with the words "heart attack." despite being discharged in a week, she went about her daily routines, always fretting over her husband, his meals, his clothes, his coming, his going. in less than a month she had another near-fatal cardiac arrest.

the bypass surgery was serious, and hardly heard of in Kerala, more than 15 years ago. it was in a hospital not far from our home, but in the neighbouring state. i didn't see mom for weeks. we had a domestic help brought in immediately from a relative's house who managed the kitchen and housework. i learnt to operate the washing machine. 

ammachi stayed on with us for another couple of months. i learnt and met about most relatives on my mother's side in those two months. mom's cousin had started a business in hand loom saris. she came with five saris. mom could not will herself to buy it. but ammachi, she bought one with a border of deep maroon and golden stripes. this was my introduction to how women held onto hope in unravelling circumstances!

it is December. when the lagging year suddenly picks up tempo. a new year is not that far away and its like there is a new lease to life. hope surges. and, i bring you another little diy, a zesty and spicy pomander to match the upbeat mood.

once you perforate the sweet limes with toothpicks, to pierce the cloves into it is simply easy-peasy. even the kids can do it. place it in with chocolates in an antique chest to set the mood for long conversations with friends. or hang it on door knobs to add interest and let the holiday waft in every room!

happy holidays!

day 11 ~ makes me happy

and that there will be more to follow makes me happier.

the house is an empty hole in the mornings with the kids gone.

i appreciate the company and the chirpy chatter.

too much too soon

Here I am, rejuvenated enough to see the little ones settling back in school, almost, effortlessly and hopeful of reading all the books I wanted to read, click though beautiful blogs at leisure, settling on my window seat and penning down my thoughts while I listen to the rain…
… when I am rudely awakened by a shrill squawk! There stand my husband and daughter with an African Grey parrot.



This is Kukku, the daughter shrieks and my open mouth and look of utter dismay (to say the least) prompts a sheepish grin from the husband. Kukku has the emotional intelligence of a two year old, he says… and, I am thanking the good Lord that Abi has finally turned three, I humph… the intelligence of a five year old… as if the smartass retorts of our daughter were not enough, I sigh… and a vocabulary of 2000 in another year… as if I don’t talk enough, I whined!



The birdie adapts to us before we do to her. We are more curious and wary that we might hurt her, but she is quite resilient, enjoys and demands attention and quite fun… till the day, the husband decided that kukku needs a friend and stood at the door with a three month old German Shepherd and 12kg of puppy food!



It was nothing but another rude surprise (because I don’t like the word shock) until the pup dodged the kids and friends of the kids, took one sniff of my chipped nail paint and flopped down at my feet there and then. Something between love and joy (or was it both?) surged in my heart, but it was too much too soon and I gave my husband “the look.”



The first two weeks, blackie, named ingenuously by the daughter, followed me everywhere – from chair to bed to sofa and back. But, now it is at home with the four of us, together or separate. Things are so much better since it has been toilet-trained. And, now that it is teething, I actually have the floor clear of clutter, which consisted of things quite needed in our daily life.



This is us now. Suhana actually has blackie in the family picture she drew of us spending the day at the seaside. I asked her why she forgot kukku, miss smarty replied, it was because kukku would fly away in the open sky. No contradicting that!


PS
Somewhere in between blackie came and I post this, I was overwhelmed, tired and cranky. That was when I decided, reluctantly, to end this blog, because I was hardly coming on-line, feeling uncreative and did not see any time for me in the next two years to do all that I had wanted to.
It was precisely, on Little E’s three-month birthday Shalini, and soon as I had posted on flickr, I was going to say my good byes to you (for you believed in me enough) and Shilpa (how I love her name and the little notes we share from time to time) and Sindhu (who must still be finding me as confused as I was when I sat next to her in journalism school and who, out of all of you, has actually seen me in person and all that I know of computers and laughter, she taught me ☺) and Asha (who is solace and inspiration and always gets my jokes) and Arundhati and Arya and Indrani and Susan, your comments do me proud.
Short story shorter, the Net connection was lost and I was unable to blog that day. The transmission problems still continue as does my blog.



But, thank you so much, each one of you!!

the weekend we were rained in

...not literally, because we actually dressed up and went out to a delicious dinner Saturday night. But otherwise, we stayed put in the house and watched movies on TV. I saw 'Nights in Rodanthe' and the movie especially stands out because it is set in a beautiful blue cottage by the sea and I ate five chocolate chip cupcakes while watching it. This was straight after lunch!

I'll just leave be the disturbing trivia and try to succinctly describe 'the weekend we were rained in.' The forecast and the skies were bleak, bleak, bleak. Bleak has a colour - the dreariest of grey.



But, beyond the colourless skies lay the most beautiful sight, that of the clouds lifting from the hills some distance away. I did sit there mesmerised at the wonders and subtlety of nature, not also because I was really, really full and could barely move!



I drank in the viivd greens and delighted in the dance of the rain drops. Very zen-like and uplifting...



...till I focused on the droplets on the lights hanging since Christmas last. blah!



Did I tell you we have a new pet - a German Shepherd pup that is called 'Blackie' by the daughter and 'Doggie' by the son.



Hope you all have a lovely week ahead and I better think of working off the calories I gained just sitting and eating.



But, aren't the greens just so divine and refreshing!!

do you know

...what she did last summer? The darling accompanied her mother on walks and discovered with awe the 'touch-me-nots,' chameleons and dragonflies, and lots of flowers!


She enjoyed her afternoon jelly sessions as much as she loved helping her grandmother pickle some mangoes in brine. I have to add, this girl loves her pani puri, raw mangoes and imli... does that make me a bad momma?


excuse the poor quality of picture, please :)


Some one insisted on picking flowers everyday so that she could float them in her (grandmother) ammamma's large crystal bowl and other steel utensils. She loved this!


I am sure she hoped her brother who tagged along everywhere would do more than lend moral support :D


Sigh! so much time to to indulge in games by herself!


Some days, we went on an embellishing binge, first sticking sequins on the bird cage...


... and, then on the terracotta chimes...


...and, a play dough bead necklace for me!


And, this is how we left things on the morning we left. I wish I had remembered to click the fridge door, the "painting wall of fame," that was just overflowing with painted papers and crafts.

typing out loud

There are so many things happening around me and with me. We, now, have neighbours next-door. Actually, since November last. But, the neighbourly feeling started during spring break with the kids having company they liked.

That left me and the mother next-door enough time to drink tea and chat about everything and sundry and lament our heart about why our kids simply refused to eat anything edible or cooked by their respective moms!

There, really, is something heartwarming about having good neighbours. For one, it makes you want to be good neighbourly folks. Then, if you need just one green chilly for the raita and can't be bothered to run down to the vegetable vendor four storeys below, you have a door to knock at, so it shall be given to you.

This joy that I am revelling in is being shadowed by the utter dread (hand on my heart) I am feeling at the prospect of Abi starting school in April. He loves sitting for a moment or two in the school bus, whenever one of the other kids is late. My heart knows, it will not be the same once he does it for real!

I started him in playschool two weeks ago (cringing at my tardiness) and the first week was smooth sailing. Then , after having played with all the toys there, he got tired of the whole business and now, clings to me wailing at the top his voice every day.

Sometimes, in the morning, he hides behind the curtains so I can't find him in time for school. Ingenuous are his ways, but not cute enough to stop determined-mother-on-mission to get him an idea of school.

After a month of school, its summer holidays and we take off for Kerala where we spend time with both sets of grandparents. At the end of the carefree days there, it is almost always a culture-shock for me as every responsibility falls back on my shoulders and I am homesick to the core.

Apart from that, I am excited at the prospect of having 8.00 am to 1.00 pm as a child-free zone. I have an offer to teach part-time at a college. I am blushing as I write that I will, in case I take up the offer, be teaching journalism! My journalism guru, will probably resign from his post as dean of the institute I studied in, if he hears word of this.

Now, this job is guaranteed by my friend, who in addition to being an editor at a magazine, has been teaching next-gen journalists for three years. I have to admit, him teaching is not the same as me teaching at all. He has work experience and I got married soon after internship and until three years ago, only wrote emails.

Maybe, it would be better for humanity, if I took the year to revive myself. I do, do feel drained and my neck always hurts.

*smiles*

It would be so nice to have two hours to myself five days a week. I could read all the books I wanted to. Maybe, go wander around in the nearby malls. Explore a by-lane, a new street. Deep clean my house. Enroll in a gym to feel fit and good... and get rid of some of the cellulite.

I could take a nap, sighs! I could get me a massage... a facial, where I have time for the face pack to actually dry. I could sit and stare, without having my eyes poked at by sticky fingers. Learn to meditate. Think about something other than medicine doses and to-do lists.

Practice yoga. Start learning classical music. Maybe not. Organise the kitchen. I could just be and contemplate and mull and wonder and feel rested and... I could go on and on.



As the days of my so-called freedom come near, I feel strongly about staying put in the house with myself. To get to know me as a mother and wife and actually learn what it is I actually need to fill in my life.

It was my dream to be employed by 2010, when I will be thirty. That wish seems shallow now. I might never be employed ever (twinge and grimace. But, now whatever it is I do, I want to do so knowing I can do it best because I love it so.

Insha allah!

the blues

Oh! but I have a serious case of the Monday blues. It sets in sometime after Sunday lunch and am unable to shake it off until Monday breakfast, which usually is butter soaked toast!!



Sometimes I cock a snoot at Monday. Do not acknowledge it at all, make an (very)easy to-do list, shrug and get on with (life) whatever needs to be done.

Sadly, not one of those Mondays today. Blah!!

Kasauli, Himachal Pradesh

Just back from Kerala where the rains had made eveything an emerald green. Took me back to holiday in Kasauli where I found lots of green and not just the leaves.
Sunrise School, which was seen if we leaned out of the balcony in our room, had selective shades of green.


The pine tree and the little bit of green on the church.

Even the people there seemed to prefer wearing the colour.

See, I was not exaggerating.

Striped door and a delightful menu.

Pretty buds, too.

A shut shop in the middle of a bustling street. The locks and the notices add to the drama and lead your imagination.

Seeing green from another window in our hotel.

Some more of the church.

Looking up at a natural kind of green.

The green fence and signs of spring.

Go green :)

falling dreams

Momma, what did you dream on (sic) today? asked Suhana, very proper at four. I dreamt we missed your school bus, said I, frazzled and scurrying in the kitchen, packing her lunch and filling her water bottle.

Momma, what did Abi dream on (sic) today? asked she, now staring doubtfully at her feet. He dreamt that he fell from the bed, said I removing her socks and shoving her feet into them the right way.

Not again, said she, wry tone and shake of her head. But, he did, really, fall a lot - at the bus stop this morning, grazing his sweet, soft hands and making shopkeepers look out in concern with his crying!

While coming back from the bus stop with his sister in the afternoon, he tripped on nothing (!) and fell. And then, after the siblings had some water, washed their hands, changed their dress, they decided to jump on the bed, while momma got ready their lunch all the time screaming at them not to.

Momma had to drop everything and rush to the bedroom as Abi had fallen off the bed, banged his head and had two little cuts on his tongue. Lots of sugar and cooing later, he fell asleep, no doubt, dreaming of falling, yet again!

PS
And, what did you dream today, asked I, while walking her to the bus stop. I dream that you watching 'pappu can't dance saala' song, said she.
Oh well. Sweet dreams then!