Tuesday, August 7, 2012

a crossing over of sorts.

   till a few months ago, i was this girl refusing to grow up. everyone else had to take responsibility for my abundance of or lack of things, my sadness and happiness, my shortcomings all the while i preened under the spotlight at the little successes. 

    then, life threw me bitter gourds. literally. and, i was taking care of more than i ever had. talking and hustling, smiling and managing, meeting deadlines and keeping my sanity. things i have seen grandmothers and mothers doing!

    my fate, or, is it the universe, or the much cliched 'life,' is taking me in another direction. one i did not ever want to take. so, i am going to say it very fast. *deep breath* to be creative and content within the confines of my home. there. i said it.

     its funny how the graph of my life is going backward in my head. not downward, not really. but, backward. i feel i am returning to my roots. no, deeper. into the depths of my being. a way to start again. but, this time with the right attitude and a graceful frame of mind.

     no. things have not completely changed. but, i am realizing that if i want to, i can channelise my thoughts and plans, despite limited resources into serious action. and, all i can think is what have i been doing my entire life!

       my priorities are open before my eyes. no. am not letting go of my dreams, just tweaked them so they are not always out of reach. because, that is not the way i want to live, hankering over things lost. and, it would be a total waste of me. 

       like the quote, 'it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. - E E Cummings


PS
had been missing. as you can see above, it was a realization of 'route re-calculation,' as that lady with the nice accent in our GPS says.

4 comments:

Shalini said...

Beautifully written, as always, but also so emotionally too. Love how your words come straight from your heart.

At some stage in our lives, we all do some soul searching and see the wisdom of past days and past ways. It's just not always that easy to appreciate them and to let go of what one imagines is the way forward.

High five for being so real about it all. Love how you're giving credit to the GPS lady, with your "route re-calculation"!

kala said...

All the very best and hope u spend ur time more creatively n wisely and most imply happily shilpa

shilpa said...

yes, it is a curious case. this route-re-calculation business.and, it is a tad disappointing when the world is rushing past ahead an you have to work things out the other way round.

thank you, Shalini :)

shilpa said...

i hope so, too, Kala :) thank you!