the love knot

a love story. 

two little girls.

 sisters and friends.

 the younger wanted to *paint rainbows in different shapes and put it together like a quilt.* 

the momma had already bought the gift.

 so, we improvised 

and wrapped the presents for the 11 year old birthday girl in hand-painted paper

 that the little one also crushed to add texture!

a crossing over of sorts.

   till a few months ago, i was this girl refusing to grow up. everyone else had to take responsibility for my abundance of or lack of things, my sadness and happiness, my shortcomings all the while i preened under the spotlight at the little successes. 

    then, life threw me bitter gourds. literally. and, i was taking care of more than i ever had. talking and hustling, smiling and managing, meeting deadlines and keeping my sanity. things i have seen grandmothers and mothers doing!

    my fate, or, is it the universe, or the much cliched 'life,' is taking me in another direction. one i did not ever want to take. so, i am going to say it very fast. *deep breath* to be creative and content within the confines of my home. there. i said it.

     its funny how the graph of my life is going backward in my head. not downward, not really. but, backward. i feel i am returning to my roots. no, deeper. into the depths of my being. a way to start again. but, this time with the right attitude and a graceful frame of mind.

     no. things have not completely changed. but, i am realizing that if i want to, i can channelise my thoughts and plans, despite limited resources into serious action. and, all i can think is what have i been doing my entire life!

       my priorities are open before my eyes. no. am not letting go of my dreams, just tweaked them so they are not always out of reach. because, that is not the way i want to live, hankering over things lost. and, it would be a total waste of me. 

       like the quote, 'it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. - E E Cummings

PS

had been missing. as you can see above, it was a realization of 'route re-calculation,' as that lady with the nice accent in our GPS says.

somedays,

i am my own eeyore. 

you know, sighing. moping. drooping. 

sighing again.

raining on my own parade,

like the rains i heard were not enough!

can't bear to hear myself.

so, i took it upon myself

to inhale in the pleasant

and comforting aroma of some tea.

add to that, the uplifting tang 

of some lemongrass i bought 

on my Friday jaunt

to the roadside farmer's market.

this is called gauti chai masala,
or, literally, village chai masala,
said the lady selling them,
crushing a bit with her fingers
and bringing it to her nose,
nodding at me to do the same.
she told me to make tea as follows...

.. and, as i inhale deeply, 

my fingers let the warmth

from the hot cup seep into my weary muscles.

 my mind is on mute,

my legs are numb.

let me sit here in lemony -gingery solace,

bracing myself for a new week

that starts tomorrow.

PS

tea. after a long time.

light profound, light sublime

    

Thursdays

are the day of leftovers. find what's edible in the fridge, use it up, wipe and clean if necessary. though, the last phrase is absolutely not compulsory. also, a good time to make inventories about what to buy, and, pointers at what not to buy. *tries to wipe away memories of the rotting things*

but, i will not be able to shake away the sinking of my heart at the debates, the outrage and the footage of a seventeen year old being molested, groped, humiliated by a mob! the sneering. the helplessness. the horror of it all. makes me think of all the times i have walked on the streets at night, for pediatric crocin, glitter, sharpener, eggs, anything i needed urgently early next morning and had forgotten to buy. 

could it be that i was not harassed, or molested or raped simply because i was not. it could have happened, but it did not. could that be the explanation for my safety, because there is no guarantee, not from the police, not from the people passing by, faceless, nameless, heartless. and, why should they or anyone else risk being another Keenan and reuben. of course, you remember the brave hearts, don't you?

the media has moved on. how much will i hold on to! so, after a quickie clean up and list making i am set for my weekly dose of the streets nearby and the deliciously hot and inviting breakfast after a robust haggling session and walk. tensions ebb away. the food goes into my stomach, the taste makes me giddy and there i sit for a good hour, maybe more.

last Thursday, if found two lemons in a huge plastic bag in a corner of the fridge and a recipe with just two lemons and six eggs, which was all i had. it was a sign and i take them seriously. it was the first time, i was going about a cake as elaborate as this. i was very mindful. and, it was so worth the effort, time and the decision to make it :)

PS

the recipe

it has bitten me.

this organization bug.

but, i can't tell you 

how much it has helped me.

and, i found a place to store glass bottles

and glass jars,

and, to use them creatively.

yeah, that up-cycle razzmatazz.

am now part of the bandwagon.

remember, that time i was ashamed 

to show you the inside of my closet...

not anymore!

also, one creative thing per week resolution

of mine - check :)

eating Nutella is yummy, painted them empty jars with kids is scrumptious, too

easy-peasy to find and match with what you're wearing

PS

you bet I've earned my coffee :)

it was

my son's birthday last Friday. there was a small kiddie party planned. and, like always, i was on it. but, in the run up to the party, i amazed myself with the amount of work i got done. it was not just the cleaning part, where unlike the past years, i actually sorted, arranged and organized. not just dumped them out of sight!

i was ready with the prep of the food beforehand. that is a first. usually, it is like i get chef's block or something. i am so worried about how the food will turn out, i keep putting it off till like two hours before the guests are to arrive. and, then brag about how i'm living on the edge and all. *shakes head*

the fridge is purged, clean, smelling fresh with not a single dish without a cover in it! the fans are wiped clean. all but one cupboard is sorted. no old clothes remain. and, along with all of this, i managed to season some mangoes pickled in brine. found cooling themselves in the far recesses of my fridge, where they have been for more than a few months now, i think. all this in the last four days.

PS

the burdday boy