Friday, August 7, 2009


My son and I slowly walk back from the front gate after seeing the yellow school bus take the turn far away. I usually am making lists in my head during this time. Today, I feel tired.

As we do everyday, he drinks another glass of milk (he wakes earlier than his sister) and me another cup of tea. I do linger a bit too long after this cup is empty. I almost feel guilty to be so tired, after all the facilities at hand.

Yet my neck hurts, my dining table is cluttered and I don't want to look at the toys and 'things' strewn about for fear I'll cry. How? Why?, I whisper.

Two things come to me, almost flash before my eyes - too much multi-tasking and trying to smile all the time. I am always doing two things, at least, all the time. Watching TV and ironing/feeding the kids/ sorting clothes, cutting vegetables or talking on the phone and typing away at the computer and whatever else I'm doing, I'll constantly be answering to all the " whys?" of a four year old.

I can still deal with all of this, if not for having to sound nice all the time and forcing a smile at people who feel I have so much time in the world because my husband is away for days together at work, I think. Then why do I, ugh!

I like the way my life is right now, it almost hurts to think of cutting off from any one thing. I will have to find a way.


Shalini said...

I know what you mean. Everything can be so perfect yet it's all in a disarray. I think the trick is to find ways to make yourself happy rather than others. I get pulled into making others happy and doing things for their benefit too, but it's more important to be true to oneself instead.

shilpa said...

so true... and to say No, when you simply don't want to do it.