My son and I slowly walk back from the front gate after seeing the yellow school bus take the turn far away. I usually am making lists in my head during this time. Today, I feel tired.
As we do everyday, he drinks another glass of milk (he wakes earlier than his sister) and me another cup of tea. I do linger a bit too long after this cup is empty. I almost feel guilty to be so tired, after all the facilities at hand.
Yet my neck hurts, my dining table is cluttered and I don't want to look at the toys and 'things' strewn about for fear I'll cry. How? Why?, I whisper.
Two things come to me, almost flash before my eyes - too much multi-tasking and trying to smile all the time. I am always doing two things, at least, all the time. Watching TV and ironing/feeding the kids/ sorting clothes, cutting vegetables or talking on the phone and typing away at the computer and whatever else I'm doing, I'll constantly be answering to all the " whys?" of a four year old.
I can still deal with all of this, if not for having to sound nice all the time and forcing a smile at people who feel I have so much time in the world because my husband is away for days together at work, I think. Then why do I, ugh!
I like the way my life is right now, it almost hurts to think of cutting off from any one thing. I will have to find a way.