*sad*

a little before diwali, a friend and neighbor was diagnosed with lymphoma of the spine. her daughters are ten and nine and son, a month younger to my four year old. three sessions of chemo down, she has brain-numbing pain 24x7... had to be rushed to the hospital last week for she passed out four-five times in the night due to the pain.

i ferry the girls to tae kwon do class with my kids twice a week. they are chattery, chirpy, funny, until one day i mentioned their mother and the elder one's face clouded over. the younger one hesitated, uncertain  of continuing with her funny tirade. embarrassed, slapping myself in my mind, i stared out for the rest of the rickety ride.

more than twenty years ago, mom was bitten by a rabid dog as she waited for the the school bus on a Saturday morning. one of the other teachers, jumped out of the bus and drove mom to the nearest Military Hospital. my brother and i went back home to wait for dad who was not yet back from the morning exercise.

i ran into our bedroom and knelt before the Sacred Heart picture framed on the wall. sobbed and begged Christ to save my mother's life and promised not to lie and do my homework everyday. was shaken and i broke down again as soon as i saw dad, who went to the MH in the same jonga.

i see that fear in my friend's elder one's eyes. and, if it is there it reflects in the younger one's eyes. the elder one looks unto her mother. the younger one needs the elder one, too, to get her bearings. my heart aches for the elder one. her pleases and thank yous perfect, she never makes an excuse not to go to class unlike the younger one...her tiny shoulders carry such a weight.

hoping and praying to Christ that these six months fade away soon, the pain of the mother and the fear of the kids a distant memory, that they can share with each other, cry over it, maybe even laugh a little... for a long, long time.

a handmade christmas

    the christmas tree is coming up. we make a few ornaments each day and hang them, what with term exams for kids and all. can't wait to finish it and wake up to a full, shiny tree every morning.


twirling in the breeze

linking to 'santa stories' at Colours Dekor & 'itz' festival time' at Liven Things Up...
PS
the inspiration http://www.flickr.com/photos/24285065@N02/6423753833/in/photostream

my earliest memories of christmas are of those celebrated in Bathinda Cantt. mom would have started baking and making all types of things before this date then. you see, the perils of sometimes being the only Christians posted in one of the Army stations is that everyone flocks to your house on Christmas.

on Sunday afternoons in December, after most of the prep was done, mom would take a cane stool (we call it mooda) to the sunniest corner of the lawn and make these santas. sometimes, the neighbour Rao aunty would drop in and over juicy keenu segments (a hybrid of musambi and orange, if i remember correctly) dipped in salt and pepper mixture they would complete the whole set of egg shells.

now, i never thought i'd make them or even remember them. but, i did. i enjoyed it, too. and, you know what, kids remember the oddest and sometimes the least important things, things that we wouldn't even shrug at. *OH EMM GEE moment* yet to put up our tree, but, there's bits of Christmas here and there in the house :)



linking to 'santa stories' at Colours Dekor and 'itz' festival time' at Liven Things Up

at home with kikki

PS

i have a plan.

of shadows and chirpy conversations

two cool dudes spotted a dainty little bird


on a perch below


but, she was too busy preening and strutting


the dude told her she was too full of herself


to which the dainty lady stomped off in anger



PS
clearly, a comic strip writer i will not make :)

mid-week cheer

on a platter :)

take a step back

what i really need to do. to take a step, two steps back. reconsider. words read long ago come to mind. when things around you are not going right, it is time to evaluate your thoughts, the why of your choices. there should be a better way to live than be weighed down by life.

let's get on to things i can talk about. like how i have started six books since last April and have not read through a single one. i start, get engrossed, one of the kids gets sick, a break of a week or so till things get back to routine, open the bookmarked page and ______. yes, blank. cannot remember the plot or it takes too long to place the characters that my reading time is over.

it seems easier to pick up another book, new people, a fresh story, excitement... then an impromptu trip to somewhere, struggle to get things back to normal and by the time i can sit back with a cup of sweet ginger tea and look for the bookmarked page, *sigh* back to square one.

there is never a clean state. but, to step into 2012 abounding in unfinished books, incomplete stories, characters flitting in my mind without closure makes me uncomfortable. sad actually. am challenging myself to get done with these books. might have to start from the very beginning, i am sure it will be worth it.

PS

bought three new books, the size of dictionaries. while putting them on the shelf, all i could think was, if not now, then when.

kikki

in her dignified avatar



then, it itches



it scratches



and, she loses her head over it.






PS
at five months.

Old Delhi wired

the Jama Masjid

Hauz Kazi area

near Chawri Bazar metro station

alley next to Kareem's

from one of the gates of Jama Masjid

the Red Fort

also, the Red Fort

on the cycle rickshaw ride to Chawri Bazar

the masjid's last sight

PS

memorable :)

so he can run like the wind

this is a place a twenty minutes drive from where we stay. we have seen goat and cattle grazing, and today a sow with her piglets, all fourteen of them. he loves to run, the blackster. not possible on walks on the road. how he loves this place!

our precious one

kukku, dearest kukku,

all the barking and all the screaming

cannot take the place of your incessant chattering,

your melodious calls.

you will always be our little one, our precious one.

the house is silent without you.

(feb 2010 - nov 2011)

PS

we had been away on Delhi. she was staying in the petshop, like she always does when we are not home. the night before, she was being given her drops when she decided to test her wings and dashed against the ceiling fan. she was declared blind by the vet who was rushed in immediately. they called us next morning and we decided to leave then and there. we were in the taxi to the airport when we got the call that she had succumbed to the injuries.

Vipesh, the petshop owner, was as sad, as devastated as us. he had hand-tamed kukku. and, this man is really passionate about his pets. so much so, his wife left him the third day after his wedding because she could not take all of it. he has given us a four-month old african grey, he couldn't the bear the thought of the kids looking at her open cage, he says. we call her kikki...

... kikki does fill up the void for now. she has two ardent fans jumping around her. but, i have resolved not to get attached. my kukku!

what i had

actually wanted to do was explode. like in scream. but, couldn't alarm the kids. i think i was just craving expression. had not written. had not read. was not cooking a lot. so, two nights ago after feeding them dinner...

i chanced upon a can of paint from two years ago

i removed a cupboard door. it was already falling apart. painted the shelf golden!

with silver trim...

painted a nook silver with golden trim :)

PS

three years ago to this day, we moved into our apartment. it was also a diwali day just like today. happy budday to our home and happy diwali to the world :)

things

i learnt on flickr -

.... that you can always find something positive about any picture, whether you like it or not. it is harder to remember why you ever married your husband on bad days.

.... your comments and faves are (more often than not) reciprocated. not always the case in real time.

.... there is no dearth of beauty. nor of elegance. nor of comfort. all we need is to behold.

.... freindships are born of the heart. of a connection. it has nothing to do with your finances or education. it is more a way of seeing things the (more or less) the same way.

PS

which is why i prefer hobnobbing with flickratti, rather than deal with people in the real world.

because

i felt sorry for the apples lying unwanted...

... and, i felt like a picnic.

PS

was sorting the weekly laundry. with every dress the day came back, bringing with it the memories. reliving now. tumultuous as some maybe, the scenes streaming in my mind, like the TV in the background.